LOTTERY TICKET

I don't know if it's just me, but when I buy a Mega or Powerball lottery ticket it makes me a little more cocky. I only buy tickets when it's over 100 million. Why? Because $20 million isn't enough.

Anytime someone is rude to me, even if it's at a frozen yogurt shop in the back of my head I'll think, "just wait. You better hope these numbers in my pocket don't hit next Wednesday.  I'll buy this place and fire your snobby ass.  I'll turn this yogurt shop into a place that only sells pooka shell necklaces." 

I strut around Safeway, "you peasants have no idea what's in my pocket do you? I'm finally gonna be able to buy that organic kale I always walk past. And those lemons, I can't wait to squeeze one of those organic lemons directly in my mouth and have it drizzle down my chest. It's too sour, but I don't care. I'll wash it down with a Voss water, just to make sure I'm being extra douchey that day."