Bad Role Playing

One thing I’m not good at is role playing, probably because I hate being serious. I was hanging a painting at my place with a hammer and my girlfriend said, “oh, that’d be hot if you were a construction worker.” She stared at me with the anticipation of a Demi Moore in that pottery scene with Patrick Swayze in the movie “Ghost”… because whenever I can’t sleep, I always go downstairs and make pots. 

Like the silky smooth guy I am, I tried to create a sexy scene. I came through the front door and said, “hey, looks like you needed something fixed.” She said, “maybe.” I started looking around the house like a building inspector and said, “you here all alone? That doesn’t seem safe at all.” She said, “you’re ruining it.” I stared at her as I juggled the hammer back and forth between my hands and in my creepiest voice said, “a pretty girl like you should never be left all alone. It would be a shame for someone to hit you over the head with this hammer and do whatever they please with your body.” 

She shook her head and said, “nope, I’m over it now. You’re an idiot. I’m going upstairs.” Then I recited Kendrick Lamar's infamous line, "girl, I know you want this D!!!" Sadly, I got no reply. Then I yelled, “wait! I needed someone to grease up my arms!" No response still. Take notes fellas, I just dropped some game on you.