I tried parallel parking on a busy street in Downtown Sacramento. I pulled up to a Starbucks and saw a spot directly in front, between two cars. The patio of Starbucks was packed and as soon as I stopped and turned my signal on, everyone stared at me. Is there ever a time more when a man judges another man than when they watch them parallel park.
I was with my girlfriend and began to feel the pressure of all eyes...waiting, watching, judging. I couldn't let my girl down in front of all these people. If I don't park in this spot, then all these guys will think I'm not a real man and try to fuck my girl (at least that's what I assume they were thinking). I start to back into the spot and I can see in my rear view one of the guys on the patio mouth the words "too sharp" and shake his head. I tried spinning the steering wheel as much as I could, but I hit the curb and people began to shake their heads. The light behind me turned green and oncoming traffic now stopped right behind me.
I try and give it another shot. This time I didn't cut the turn sharp enough and now I am about to hit the car in front of me. I look at the patio the same guy is shaking his head, motioning me to stop before I hit the car. Now I have a serious dilemma. Do I listen to the guy on the patio, or let my pride force me to continue backing in until I hit the car?
As I was contemplating, the driver in the car behind me was getting visibly frustrated. He went around and looked at me as if I was an asshole. My girlfriend lowered her head in embarrassment and said, "you're so whack." My heart was beating fast and nervous beads of sweat trickled from my mocha almond colored forehead.
Should make another attempt? Even if I was able to park in the spot, now I would have to get out and walk by all of these people who are trying not to laugh in my face. No sir, not me, not today. I checked my rear view and took off. No way I going to park some where else and walk up so everyone on the patio could laugh at me and whisper, "I can't believe that girl he came with actually sleeps with him. That's so gross." My girlfriend said, "why did you leave?" I said, "I don't deserve the coffee if I can't parallel park...I'm not a real man."