Man or Mouse

We all have that one friend whose manhood we question. For me it’s Marcelino Alcantar . We were doing Tough Mudder a few years ago and he said he had been training, which I didn’t believe at all. The race started, Marce collapsed before the first mile, and was sitting with his head down. Other participants were checking on him, asking if he needed water, and signaling the medic for help. I got close and whispered in his ear, “What are you doing? Get up, you are embarrassing us. We haven’t even gone a mile yet.” He said, “I’m dizzy.” I said, “That’s what happens when you lie about training. Now get up. There are pregnant women passing you.”

The two pregnant women stopped and asked, “Is he okay?” I said, “He’s fine. He’s just realizing he’s not a man right now.” I’ve never been in the military, but I imagine being in a war and Marce is one of those soldiers that gets the entire platoon killed because he sprains his ankle stepping on pine cone running through the forest. We all have to go back to get him, he’s screaming in pain, the enemies hear, and we all get annihilated. Selfish. Pull the pin on that grenade and take yourself out.

Another time I questioned his manhood was when a bunch of my friends and I went to jump off a big rock next to a waterfall. It was pretty high up. We hiked to the top, jumped, even a 12 year old girl did, except for Marce who was terrified of heights. He was the last one left. There was a crowd of about 50 people at the bottom, looking up, waiting for him jump. He paced back and forth, sipping a gallon jug of orange juice, looking over the ledge. The 12 year old girl yelled, “Jump! I did it!” He looked over and said, "I can't." She yelled, “Jump! Are you a man…or a mouse?!!” He shook his head, took another sip of orange juice and yelled, "I'm a mouse." Everyone started booing him. It was amazing. I’m willing to bet in all of human history, it was the only time someone got booed in front of waterfall.