Fake Handyman

I’ve never been good at fixing cars, but I wouldn’t want a girl I was dating to know that. One time, a girl I was dating said, “my car was making a funny noise on the way over here.” I said, “pull it into the driveway and I’ll take a look.” She pulled her car up and popped the hood. I said, “turn it off for a second.” I pulled out a wrench and tapped the battery a few times. “Okay, try starting it again.” She started it.

I waived my hands and yelled, “wait, turn it off.” She said, “what is it?” I wiped my hands with a towel and said, “dammit. It’s worse than I thought. You might need a new alternator, or timing belt, maybe even a transmission. The rotors are all out of whack. I’d take it to an auto shop, but don’t mention what I said. I don’t know, it’s hard to tell with all this damn wind blowing. I’m starving, let’s go get something to eat.”