SCARED STRAIGHT

I was watching the show Scared Straight, where they take at risk teens and send them to prison for a day to change their lives.  Why do all the prisoners act so proud about their rap sheet, "I've car jacked, shot at people, and robbed stores...been in here five times little man."  All that means to me is you suck at crime.  I bet some of the prisoners probably robbed a liquor store and only got like $150.  Why not go to a grocery store and steal several large bags of pecans? You know how much they cost? $10...a piece.  Why the fuck are they so expensive?  Now steal 20 of those and you got yourself $200 and if u get caught its only shoplifting.  If you don't get caught, you slang those pecans to Leatherby's or a die hard crossfitter for $8.00 a whop.    

The second problem I have is when some of the guys are yelling at the teens.  They'll act extra tuff, "I'm a monster in here, you'd be holdin my pocket and cleanin my draaaws!"  Then the screen pauses and states that prisoner "Cutty" is currently serving three months for credit card fraud at Build a Bear. That's all you're in for?   

If that was me I'd have to hype it up a little.  I'd say, "If you come in here, all yalls gon be eatin my ass."  I don't even talk like that, don't know why I'd have a southern accent all of a sudden.  Maybe I was nervous and thought I would get a retake.  The screen pauses and shows my rap sheet "Robert Omoto currently serving one month for purchasing a stolen Britta and Jaywalking."  Once the show resumes, just to make myself look tough I'd have to add in, "and Necrophilia bitch."  There would be an awkward silence...that's right!  I jaywalked to the cemetary to bang a body and needed some fresh water after.  I never fucks wit tap water."