Gym Locker Room Etiquette

I had one of those awkward days not too long ago. It was one of those days where a weird string of events happened right before my eyes. I went to the gym and as I walked into the locker room there was a guy blow drying his nuts right near the sink with his foot on the counter when I walked in. It seemed completely unnecessary and obviously this guy was just abusing his membership privileges. There was pubic hair flying everywhere, but this guy didn't care.  The guy behind him did though as he kept trying to knock it away from his face.  From my point of view it looked like he was a contestant in one of those money booths, but why would anyone be trying to grab pubic hair out of the air...that's ridiculous.  So I just kept on walking.

I get to my locker and am putting stuff away when this guy comes up next to me wearing just a towel.  I’m polite so I say, “here let me move my bag.”  As I go to pick it up, he takes his towel off and he is fully erect. I do a double take at it to make sure I’m not imagining things, but sure enough he is hard as a rock.  Not that I touched it, but it wass bouncing up and down like a diving board after a fat kid just jumped off it. 

I need to get my towel which is near his foot so I say, "excuse me sir." I don’t know why I called him sir.  Probably because he was packing some serious heat and I was nervous. I said, "excuse me sir, is that your towel or mine?" He replied with a deep voice, "it’s yours" and watched me as I had to get eye level with this thing. That was by far the closest a dick has ever been to my face…that I can remember.

The next day I told my friend what happened and he asked what he looked like? I answered, “I don’t know man, it was all a blur.  Almost like I was in being held at gun point, there was no way I could pick that guy out of a lineup." To be honest I still think about that guy at least once everyday.

Robert OmotoComment