Fuck that Godiva Chocolate place in Arden Fair Mall.  I came in and your God damn employee was trying to pop a zit on her head in the mirror and then coughed into her hand.  She proceeded to offer me a sample of some candy.  Yeah I ate it, know why? Because I'm a fucking savage, plus what if it ended up being amazing?  It wasn't.  I got two small ass pieces of chocolate and a strawberry thing for my girlfriend which came out to $7.20.  What the fuck?  I get being fancy, but all those together don't equal one normal sized candy bar.  I can't tell her I don't want it because then I'll look cheap, but I wasn't trying to impress her zit popping ass anyways.  

I know what you’re thinking, quit bitching and being a broke ass.  I'm not broke for one you insensitive assholes.  If I was, I'd take all my money out of the bank and take a picture of it stacked on my lap next to a bootleg Gucci belt in my car that is about to get repossessed.  Then you'd at least think I'm ballin.

I bring the candy to my girlfriend in Forever 21 and she said it looks gross, tries it, and spits it out.  Now I only got two pieces of chocolate for $7.20 and I have to look for a trash can while getting bugged to buy some miracle flat iron at a kiosk.  

Do I look like I use a flat iron?  What is this place you’re even working at?  Do you have an employee Christmas party where there are only three people there and your boss sexually harasses you in his garage under a dart board after he's had six bottles of Rolling Rock?

You file a complaint the next day as he throws it on the ground, smacks your ass, and puts his finger in your mouth whispering, "Keep that pretty mouth shut sugar tits.  This is way over your head."  His finger hits the back of your gums and it hurts terribly.  You get it checked out the next day and find out your whism teeth are coming in crooked and require emergency surgery.  Now you can't quit the job because it has good dental.  You develop a weird fetish from your boss putting his finger in your mouth, which leads to a whirlwind of terrible sexual decisions at the local dive bars.  Now you’re pregnant and have to keep the kiosk job, but find out they don't offer FMLA because it turned out to be a front for a huge meth operation running out of Lodi.

What I'm trying to say is, fuck Godiva Chocolate and that Indian guy that was sitting next to me on the couch looking at me all weird.

Robert OmotoComment